i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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