This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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