Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just cropdusted the office
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
