This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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