ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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