his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
