he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
