The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
