I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
