can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
