Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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