I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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