i permit you to call me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
