ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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