fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
