So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
