There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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