im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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