i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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