there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
