i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my poor anus
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
