Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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