I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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