I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
