She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
