We're facebook friends in real life
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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