How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
