Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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