friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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