Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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