if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
