What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
