we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
