her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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