Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
