i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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