they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
