I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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