i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
