Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
