i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
