i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
