his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
