how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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