The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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