He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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