I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
