Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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