i barfeds in our rink
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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