Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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