Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
