i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As shirtless as possible
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
