1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
