i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
