Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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