i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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