3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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