I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
a search helicopter?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.