Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
