i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
