hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.