think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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