if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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