OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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