he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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