I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i think i just lost a toe
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
