i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
