OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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