That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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