is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He passed out mid-signature
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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